I'll start by trying to explain the rules for the benefit of all non-Australian readers. I'll keep it very brief so I can get to the action quickly, and also because your author doesn't know the rules very well himself! The game is played between two teams of 18 players on a huge field - the entirety of a cricket pitch, with the goals at either end of the long sides of the oval. As for the goals, they consist of four upright posts, so that the ball can go through the middle two posts for a score of 6 points, or through the outside posts on either side for 1 point. To score these points, the oval shaped ball is kicked through the posts, usually from the hands like a soccer goalkeeper's kick. Height doesn't matter. There are three ways to move the ball around: 1) Run with the ball, but every 15 paces a player has to bounce the ball. 2) Kick the ball, dropping it from the hands then booting it. The most efficient method. 3). Hand passing the ball, throwing is not allowed, but parrying the ball with a clenched fist or open palm is. Tackling is done by hauling the player with the ball down. Finally, a game consists of four quarters that last around 30 minutes each - it seems to vary with each quarter and I have no idea why!
Got all that? Good. Onto the game...
After making a right hash of finding my way to the stadium on foot - I ended up going through a hospital at one point - I bought a ticket for the reasonable price of $25.50 (about £14) and took a seat in the third row, just to the left of the goal posts. You probably get a better view of what is going on from higher up, but with no allocated seats I fancied getting as close to the action as possible. Looking around, I was surrounded by the red and black apparel of Essendon fans, so I decided I would cheer on the Bombers. Although what I really wanted was a close game - I had seen bits of several games on TV and many had been boringly one-sided, with one ending in a score that was something like 110 - 20. Going into the game, Essendon, one of the many Melbourne teams, were nestled in mid-table while their opponents were rock bottom, so I feared another landslide would be on the cards. How wrong I was...
Before kick-off, the songs of the two teams were blasted from the speakers, with the Essendon anthem seeming to contain the line "the other teams are all shit". Then the game got underway and it was madness. I'm sure there is great technique and strategy involved, but to me, especially from my low level seat, it looked like a complete mess...the ball flying around, players crashing into each other, all at great speed. What was going on?! I did have the benefit of hearing the opinions of a loud Essendon fan stationed behind my right ear. He was one of those typical sports fan who is irate and irrational in equal measure. When Brisbane went five points ahead after a few minutes he started panicking, announcing "if we lose to the bloody Lions we may as well shut up shop". He singled out one of his players for constant criticism, the scapegoat being a defender called 'Hurley'. And he offered varying and ever-changing reasoning as to why his beloved Bombers were struggling to dispatch the weak opposition, ranging from the feasible - "they're not creating space" to the vague - "they're waiting for things to happen".
Brisbane had the better of the opening quarter, then Essendon got going and a succession of loudly cheered goals scored at my end put them 40-28 ahead at halftime. However, the Lions came out firing after the break and quickly narrowed the gap to 43-40, then after some flowing attacking moves they took the lead for the first time 15 minutes into the third quarter, sending the majority of the 26,500 crowd at The Gabba into raptures and the loud Essendon fan into a doomsday monologue - "I'm just sick of this. I'm sick of this Bombers team. I'm sick of the way we're playing football." 13 minutes into the fourth quarter, the scores were level at 57-57, with fans commenting on what a low scoring game this was. It was very exciting. The game is played at a frantic pace with no stoppages at all. Trainers clad in all pink are constantly roaming the field and if a player requires treatment the game goes on around them, the pitch being so big they are never in the way. Furthermore, the contest was hard fought and it was getting tetchy between the teams, with the off-the-ball scraps falling between soccer 'handbags' and ice hockey fights in terms of violence. "That's it, bash his head in!'" shouted the loud fan as an Essendon player grabbed an opponent by the scruff of the neck and tossed him onto the ground. The crowd was getting increasingly louder as the game wore on and I couldn't take my eyes of it. Meanwhile, I was enjoying seeing my favourite part of the game performed live - the throw-in. If the ball goes out of play unintentionally, then an umpire stands on the sideline with his back to the pitch and hurls the ball over his head as far as he can. It's a fair way of re-starting play that is brilliant in its simplicity and I was amazed at how far the umpires could launch the ball in this manner. It's apparent that there is a lot of technique involved in this toss and I imagine a selection of niche injuries associated with its execution.
Two single point scores either side of a goal worth six points put Essendon back in front, 65-57, and I wriggled in my seat with anticipation of a tense final five minutes. But then, with 25:40 on the clock, the full-time horn sounded. All of a sudden, the game was over. The Essendon fans all around me were up on their feet singing along to another rendition of their club song, but I was too baffled to celebrate. Why had the game suddenly come to an end? The other three quarters had lasted almost 30 minutes. What caused this last quarter to be cut off so abruptly?
Once the players and officials had left the field, the gates were opened up and the crowd were allowed onto the grass, turning The Gabba into a crossfire of footballs kicked by swarming youngsters. I walked across the pitch soaking up the atmosphere having had a great time and I was happy my adopted Bombers had won, but I was still wondering what determines how long a game lasts.
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